Ingredients for Healing

What does it mean to heal well?

Lynn Perkins via Unsplash

Last night, I had dinner with a friend who commended me on how my healing journey has been going since I separated from my 10-year marriage a year ago. It’s not the first time I’ve been told I’m doing things “right.” What does this mean? I can only tell you my recipe; whether it’s right or not, it seems to be working for me. If you have more to add to this conversation, please tell me in the comments! Grief is a solo journey, but hearing from others always helps me feel less alone.

1. I have let myself feel sorrow. This doesn’t mean I don't get frustrated with negative emotions or upset with myself for experiencing yet another dip in my mental health. Grief is not linear. I try my best to let intense emotions come and pass with no judgment.

2. I have let myself feel joy. From the very beginning, not only have I let myself feel guilt-free joy, but I have pursued it recklessly and hopefully. I’ve booked trips, spent time with people who boost my mood, pursued energetic and engaging work, and devoted downtime to my passion and craft.

3. I’ve talked it through. I have a wonderful counsellor who I was meeting with before I left. Since then, she has validated me and been an invaluable sounding board as I navigated some scary new terrain. I also have a close-knit group of girlfriends who I would be lost without.

4. I returned to the home of my youth. I realize that not everyone has this luxury in my situation, and for that, I am unendingly grateful. I am blessed with a close family, and so I returned to them and let them hold me. I’ll never be able to repay my parents for their role in my homecoming, and a sorrowful situation turned out to be the beautiful soil for a deeper relationship with my siblings to take root. Blessings upon blessings.

5. I have let nature minister to me. I would be lost if I didn’t have a close connection to nature, especially the Sacred Forest near my home on the Lower Mainland. There is lots of science backing the positive impact of nature on a human’s stress levels and mental health. Here is my resounding testimony to this truth. Nature heals; nature holds.

These are just a few of the ingredients of a successful healing journey for me. I’m not done; there will be more down days. I’m bruised but hopeful, gray-day-wind-tossed but chasing the light. Please take any of these ingredients - if useful - and feel free to share your own.